Tales Corner….Getting Married

Tales Corner
Modester Chinonyerum

It’s the season of marriage. It is a well known fact (though not stipulated in any law), that most people get married during the Christmas season. Wedding bells are ringing, plans are underway, dowries have been paid, some have already done their traditional marriages and waiting for the D day!.

I see my mates getting married almost everyday and so are your own mates too. But hold on, have you asked yourself why you want to get married or why you are  getting married?

Are you getting married because of family pressure? Are you getting married because your mates are getting married? Are you walking down that aisle because you feel ‘old’?  Are you getting married because your parents especially your mother would not let a day pass without counting how many of your mates are married? Are you getting married because you feel your account is buoyant enough to carter for a family? Are you getting married because you impregnated a girl and do not want to have an illegitimate child? Are you getting married because they said you have passed the age of getting married? Are you saying I do because even though you don’t think the person is not right for you, you are tired of saying ‘I do not’? Are you getting married because you are the only child and need to give your parents grandchildren?

There are many reasons why people get married, so what is yours?  If any of the above is the reason why you want to get married or you are getting married already then it is not enough. Marriage is meant to be a once in a lifetime thing. However, we hear about divorce every day. What do you think is the continuous cause of this? It is because we are yet to understand the reason why marriage is necessary. I would say it’s because people end up with the wrong partner, one who they are not compatible with.  They marry for the wrong reasons; for money, because of pressure, for children and a host of other reasons.

Honestly, even if I have a million in my account right now I will not get married. I know I’m not ready for that. There are some things I wish to do before I take that walk down the aisle. I have not even put my mind towards it. So I ask again, why do you want to get married? Why are you getting married? Are you ready for all the things that come with marriage? Planning a wedding is difficult, yes but staying married is another thing.

Marriage is a celebration of love. It is meant to be between two persons who love each other, two persons who wish to be with each other. Marriage involves saying I do to the one person you want to wake up to every morning, the one you want to see his or her face when the day’s work is over. The two parties in marriage come first before every other thing follows most especially children.

Dear young man, marriage is not a competition. That your mates are getting married is not enough reason for you to do everything you can to get married. To stretch yourself beyond your limit. To put your hands into some things you won’t necessarily do ordinarily because of marriage. Dear young man, don’t succumb to pressure. Don’t let your mother push you to a bitter and unhappy together forever. Do not allow them to choose a wife for you who will make you butterflies for the rest of yourself. Marriage and children are not a validation of your success.

Dear young woman, no age is old. You should strive for your happiness. Marriage is not a definition of your womanhood. It is not the ultimate. It is not your greatest achievement. Your aim is not to grow up, get married, give birth to children, train them and die. Nope, there is a reason you are here, fulfill that purpose. You are not an instrument to be bought and kept as decoration. You are human. You have a life, live it. Before gender, we were humans first. You matter, your dreams count. Live your dreams.

Dear man and woman being, before you get married, ask yourself if you will be happy with your intended partner. Your happiness, your peace of mind comes first before any other thing. Do not put it in the hands of another who cannot keep it safe. One who will shatter it to pieces. Marriage is not an endurance training ground. Be with someone who makes you feel great about yourself. Do not settle for a toxic partner instead do not get married. You are enough. You are complete. Do not settle for less. I repeat, never settle for less.

Live all your dreams and achieve whatever you want to. Do not let another person prevent you from doing that because of marriage. We live every day but we die once. So why you can, live! And never forget that none of us is leaving here alive.

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